I'm not gonna say any of these choices are 'right' or 'wrong', 'cause it's not like I don't get it. And it's not my place to pass judgment, anyway. How other people want to navigate the—I dunno, ethics? I think that's the word?—the ethics of those thorny decisions isn't really my business. Unless they try to justify themselves to me, at which point they're making it my business; I'm probably not gonna like it and they're not gonna like what I think about all that.
I just — [ At this moment he has to stop himself, because he feels that if he doesn't steady his voice, he'll sound more bitter than he wants to be. He still sounds bitter and tired when he continues, despite himself. ] If you're gonna choose to sacrifice yourself for someone you love, then at least ... admit that you're doing it for your own sake, and not theirs. It's dishonest, I feel, to say that it's about protecting them, when really it's about not wanting their blood on your hands. Most likely, they don't want to see you hurt either, and now they feel responsible for it.
... Of course, I may only feel this way because I've been collateral damage in that sort of situation.
...if you're bitter about it, then there's probably a very good reason for that. Don't forget that.
I've never forgotten my own responsibility. No matter the choice, I know that I play a part in that. Even so, I never considered it that way. But... you're right. Even in the instances where I watched others make their own choices, I saw how much it hurt them to see me pay the price for them.
I tried to say it was okay, even though I was hurting, but... of course they knew. I was a fool to try an tell myself otherwise. They're the people who care about me for a reason after all. And it is selfish to say that it's okay for them to have to bear that pain, that responsibility on their own. I... need to be strong enough to bear the weight of that with them.
[Even so, her knuckles are white for how tightly they're clenched. And it's still not enough to stop them from shaking.]
[ Skylark hasn't failed to notice the way her hands are clenched, and after a moment's hesitation, he tentatively reaches for them.
... It's so strange to hear someone say "there's probably a very good reason" for these ugly feelings. ]
Personally, I don't want to see you hurt. But I can't say you shouldn't ever sacrifice yourself either, 'cause that isn't my choice to make. I only hope that if you make that decision, you do so knowing the consequences affect more than just you. Easier said than done, admittedly.
... And maybe this is just me, so I can't say anyone you know might feel the same way—but it hurts more when someone's good intentions end up causing me harm, than if someone decided to throw me into the sea out of unfortunate necessity or sheer cold-blooded ruthlessness, as it were. I mean, it still doesn't feel great, but ... well, one's more likely to be honest about it than the other. So to speak.
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I just — [ At this moment he has to stop himself, because he feels that if he doesn't steady his voice, he'll sound more bitter than he wants to be. He still sounds bitter and tired when he continues, despite himself. ] If you're gonna choose to sacrifice yourself for someone you love, then at least ... admit that you're doing it for your own sake, and not theirs. It's dishonest, I feel, to say that it's about protecting them, when really it's about not wanting their blood on your hands. Most likely, they don't want to see you hurt either, and now they feel responsible for it.
... Of course, I may only feel this way because I've been collateral damage in that sort of situation.
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I've never forgotten my own responsibility. No matter the choice, I know that I play a part in that. Even so, I never considered it that way. But... you're right. Even in the instances where I watched others make their own choices, I saw how much it hurt them to see me pay the price for them.
I tried to say it was okay, even though I was hurting, but... of course they knew. I was a fool to try an tell myself otherwise. They're the people who care about me for a reason after all. And it is selfish to say that it's okay for them to have to bear that pain, that responsibility on their own. I... need to be strong enough to bear the weight of that with them.
[Even so, her knuckles are white for how tightly they're clenched. And it's still not enough to stop them from shaking.]
no subject
... It's so strange to hear someone say "there's probably a very good reason" for these ugly feelings. ]
Personally, I don't want to see you hurt. But I can't say you shouldn't ever sacrifice yourself either, 'cause that isn't my choice to make. I only hope that if you make that decision, you do so knowing the consequences affect more than just you. Easier said than done, admittedly.
... And maybe this is just me, so I can't say anyone you know might feel the same way—but it hurts more when someone's good intentions end up causing me harm, than if someone decided to throw me into the sea out of unfortunate necessity or sheer cold-blooded ruthlessness, as it were. I mean, it still doesn't feel great, but ... well, one's more likely to be honest about it than the other. So to speak.