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I knew something big had to have happened... based on the way things changed from when we first arrived. But I don't know any of the details.

I never asked, because I knew it was probably something sensitive for the both of you. I thought... if it was something I should know, when that time came that you were ready to talk about it, you would.

Mmm... This is going to be a long story, so bear with me.

[He pauses for a longer moment this time. The things he's about to say -- the story he wants to tell her -- is something he's held close to his chest for most of his life. Only Diluc and Venti know, and the latter didn't have to be told. With the former, it all went so painfully wrong that for a long time, Kaeya didn't think he could ever tell anyone anything important again.

But things with Diluc got better. Things with Venti are good where Kaeya never thought they could be. And Celes is going to be a central part of their lives, from now on. She should know. She needs to know what a complicated mess she's walking into. So he takes a slow, shuddering breath, and pushes himself to just tell her.]

...When I was a kid, my father abandoned me. I remember... it was storming, and I was cold and all alone, til Noctua's father found me. He took me in and raised me like his own son. I grew up in the wealthiest family in Mond, and Noctua was my beloved big brother. He was so... bright, and kind, and elegant and good at everything. An unparalleled prodigy in every way. But he felt so strongly about the world it scared me sometimes. Still, I followed him everywhere. We were really, really close.

The thing was... I was lying to them the whole time. I told them -- I still tell everyone -- that I didn't know why I was left there. The truth is, my home country... it was destroyed so long ago most people don't know the name anymore. But my father left me to carry out a plan... I'd rather not talk about the specifics, but suffice it to say I've been, effectively, an enemy agent my whole life. It's an obligation I can't easily throw aside. My family, and what's left of my homeland, are all relying on me and only me.

I always made sure not to stand out compared to Noctua, so the attention would be on him, and I'd stay an accessory. His shadow, using the privilege of his family to get access to things I shouldn't have, while not drawing notice. But, as you may expect, there was -- is -- a conflict of interest. I... fell for that life. head over heels, really.

That's why, when his father was killed, I couldn't...

[God this is hard shit to remember!!]

I didn't know how to process it. I loved him so much, but all I could think was that with him gone, I wasn't going to be torn between two fathers anymore. It was a weight off. But Noctua was destroyed by what happened, and I felt so guilty for feeling that way, I just... I couldn't do it anymore.

So I told him everything that same night. And I spun it the worst way I possibly could, on purpose, to hurt him. I figured... when it comes down to it, I'm merely a pawn in a game I can't hope to untangle on my own. I don't know which side I should choose. What I want to do, the things and people I love... or my duty, my real family, and the people relying on me to do something only I can do. But if I choose wrong, or I have that choice taken away from me, I still want to protect that place and those people. And Noctua's the strongest protection they could possibly have, so I didn't want him to hesitate if I needed to be cut down. It was better for him to hate me.

The way we fought was... vicious, really. We were both in too much pain to hold back. And the next day, he resigned his position in the knighthood and left town entirely, looking for vengeance or justice or... something. He was so angry. He sold the house we grew up in out from under me and just... left. Which I deserved, obviously. But he didn't come back for almost four years, and by then there was too much bitterness to just get over. I think... we were starting to make progress, before we came here.

But I really didn't want to fix it. I was truly, terribly cruel to him here at first, you know. Whether he showed that to you I never asked, but I know I did nothing but cut at him, til he didn't even want to look at me anymore. Seeing him shut down that way knocked some sense into me, I guess. We talked it out, finally. I told him how I felt, and he told me he wouldn't kill me no matter how bad I hurt him. That's when you would've noticed it change.

Honestly though I was still hanging onto the idea of dying on his sword until that whole traipsing about in my head business. He really made his point, with that one.

[And Pavo's going really red thinking about it, but smiling, softly, even so.]

[For the most part, Celes is silent as she listens intently to the story; creating pictures in her mind of what bits she can imagine. The first half explains very well the initial animosity between then-- but it also explains the reason why despite that, they were never able to let go of one another. They cared so much that they were drawn to each other and couldn't let go of those feelings, both good and bad. And as his story continues, she sees exactly why the two were able to finally understand each other, even though it was difficult for them both.

She doesn't turn around. She continues to look off in the opposite direction. However-- she places her hand over his and gently squeezes it. Not just from this but... from all their time together, she knows that a deep admission like this is beyond simply difficult for him. It is a vulnerability that his every instinct tries to reject.

The fact that he can say this to her... really proves more than anything else that she is someone important to him. And not just because of her connection to Noctua-- that they have their own, powerful bond. That means the world to her. She tears up a little, more than once; having to blink away the tears.]

...mmn. Now that I understand-- I feel the exact same way he does. It doesn't matter what choice you make, now or in the future-- he would chase after you no matter what. And I would do the same. You don't have to feel like you're choosing sides, just because we won't always fight for the same things. We believe in you. So even if we think you get lost somewhere along the way-- we'd fight for you.

[For a bit, Pavo doesn't respond to that. He's just quiet, trying to sort through the emotions hearing her say that has triggered.

He really doesn't understand. Why would anyone go that far to support someone like him? It's not deserved, and it's not fair, because no matter what anyone says he will always feel trapped by that future choice. He still doesn't know what he'll do, and he's terrified it'll end in something he can't ever take back. In some respect he has very little ownership of his own life, and he can never stop walking this treacherous path, no matter how badly he wants to run away or collapse. He's not worth that much care.

But it feels nice. He was really afraid she'd reject him if she knew who he really was, but she hasn't. She sounds just like Noctua, and that feels both warm and deeply lonely, because Noctua's not here and Pavo can't forget that even when he's feeling so very loved.

He doesn't say anything for some time. Instead, after awhile, she'll just hear him sniff once, with a shaky exhale he tries to muffle. But he doesn't, quite, break down.]

That's the same sort of thing he keeps saying. You, and Noctua, and Zephyr... I don't understand any of you. But... thank you.

[She hears those sounds-- and very pointedly looks higher, giving him at least that space to express his feelings without feeling like he's being watched. Really, she doesn't want to pressure him at all, knowing how exhausted he must be just from this much.]

Because that's just the kind of people we are. And we know what we want to fight for. And the future where we get to protect the people we care about and stay together... that's worth fighting for. No matter how hard the road to get there is.

That's so sappy...

[He's so embarrassed. And yes, exhausted. A part of him is still screaming in alarm, that telling someone his secret could ruin everything and get him worse than killed. If he hadn't made up with Noctua so well, he'd never have said a word. The wound on his heart from the first time he told the truth and how harshly it was reacted to is still very much open, but at least by now it's started, just a little, to heal.]

But I guess I can't complain. You should've seen the two of us in my head. It was embarrassing.

This is me we're talking about.

[She laughs a bit, though she stifles most of it with her free hand. Still-- she knows that what she knows now is serious to him. And just being able to convey it won't make those feelings any easier. If anything, he's probably managed to make himself worry worse.]

I bet it was really sweet. But I think it's better that way. That's something for just the two of you to share. Just like I wouldn't really want to share this moment with you with anyone else.

I see... So you'd rather I not tell Noctua how very cute you've been?

[He is lacing their fingers properly now! His are slightly shaky, but he's getting ahold of himself.]

[She acts like she doesn't even notice, though she eventually laces her own fingers around his more tightly. His words do manage to fluster her though; cheeks turning bright red rather quickly.]

Well... maybe it's okay if some of that cuteness is special, just for you...

Hehe... I did want to tell you a little bit of what happened with Noctua in my head, too.

[He turns to look at her finally, with a grin that's totally cheeky, but also genuinely warm, soft around the edges from the way he's still flustered and on the edge of tears.]

Because... We tied the knot. Informally, of course.

[And really probably Celes should know that even though Pavo's otherwise keeping it to himself!!]

--oh?

[She didn't expect that, considering he'd been so shaken about what happened in his head. But the news is an unexpected shock. But if he was telling her now, then she knows it's something they must have discussed further after all that.]

Wow-- congratulations! That's wonderful! I'm so happy for the both of you!

Yes!

[He looks soooo pleased with himself. In fact Celes has likely never seen this amount of pure, joyful excitement on his face. It makes him look a little less like the untouchably beautiful ice prince and more like the energetic 21 year old boy he actually is underneath all the issues.]

We talked about it the other day, when I was done being outside of myself. When we get home, we're going to have the most dramatic wedding in the last century. I'm going to embarrass him so thoroughly he won't want to leave the manor for a month. Which, of course, I intend to take full advantage of as his incredibly gorgeous and eager bride.

[Pavo being the wife is a joke he finds absolutely hilarious.]

And you can help me keep him too happy and busy to get out of bed.

[It's all too cute-- she cannot help but wish that this will be the start that allows him to show this side of himself more often. At least if Noctua has any say in it, she knows he'll make it happen.

That's why it's equally unfair that it reminds her just how awkwardly she fits into their lives. But the world isn't the same as it is here-- she knew that. And she knew she'd never be able to stand beside them in the same way. But it still causes a slight tightness in her chest.

She refuses to let it show though. Her smile never falters-- even when it becomes more of a flustered, sheepish laugh.]

Not a chance. It's your wedding!

[And so she proceeds to make a mental note on the necessary steps and methods to collect a fund for the two of them on short notice. She's not entirely familiar with their world, but that's all the more reason she'll need to work out a plan to earn the necessary money--]

Well, it'll probably be tight but-- I'll find a way-- The two of you have to have a proper honeymoon together!! You'll have so many pictures and stories to embarrass him with when you come back... it's absolutely essential! And you deserve it.

Hm? You don't have to find a way. He's one of the richest men in Teyvat. He could send all of us on twelve first class honeymoons in a row and not flinch.

[But more importantly...]

Anyway, if it's my wedding then I'm the one who gets to decide who's involved. Actually...

[There is a brief pause, as the gears visibly turn for a moment, and then a light going DING in his still slightly drunken brain.]

Aha! You see, my dear lady, I had been thinking that any glamorous wedding needs a big, classy gown. But I'd been debating whether or not I'm willing to endure the teasing of my fellow knights were I to wear one. But when we have such a cute and charming third partner, the problem solves itself.

[Clearly, he's not really thinking of her as outside the arrangement. He's just rolling her right into his excitement.]

Wh-- it's not right to make him pay for his own honeymoon!!

[She does giggle though. It's cute how theoretically eager Noctua's wife is to start spending his money for him already.

But then suddenly he's talking about dresses and she assumes he'll ask her to help her pick one but instead he talks about putting her in one and she sputters.]

Wh-- m-me?! Well... yes... it is your wedding...

[And quickly realizes she doesn't really have an argument for that.]

...you really shouldn't deprive Noctua the joy of seeing you all dressed up. I think you'd look quite beautiful. Not that... um... I'd say no if you decided you really did want me there. Just-- I thought...

[Her face is so warm, she feels like he can probably just feel how close she is to exploding. Emotionally it's-- everything she could ask for. But she doesn't want to barge in and ruin something that was supposed to be special, just for the two of them. But it's equally difficult to keep her mind from getting carried away with the "what if"s.]

Of course we want you there. It isn't as if I've invited you to come be a housemaid, Celes.

[just. ruffles her hair! but also he's lifting their entwined hands so he can kiss her knuckles, all knightly and cool]

You are part of the image we both have of a future where we can be happy.

I know. You wouldn't ask something like that-- even if I would have offered.

[How dare he be tipsy and still this dashing. She's utterly defeated.]

I just... guess I didn't expect that. At least, not so soon. I wouldn't want to take away from what you had planned. But it would be nice...

Hmmm... If it's too much too soon, I wouldn't presume to pressure you into a commitment of that nature. But if you really do find it appealing, I'd be quite happy to have you.

If it makes you feel more secure in my level of selfishness, I'll admit I was dreaming of having his full attention the night of. But we can work out an arrangement to everyone's liking. I'll be inviting Zephyr if possible as well, although not in the same capacity. He wouldn't like to be tied down.

No, I—- If I’m honest, it is something I do want, deep down. But I figured something like that was probably an impossible dream.

So even if I had to wait a little… I’d still be happy just to have that moment.

Because it does feel a little bit like I’d be cheating you both out of something you’d meant to share together, just the two of you. I’d want you to be able to have that without having to worry about other people. You both deserve that.

It's very kind of you to think so.

[He has to think about this a bit more.]

...We all deserve a little one-on-one time, I think. So we'll just trade off, when that feels necessary. I'll be spoiled and claim the wedding night, but the second night is all yours. And the next... will be you and I alone.

That does seem like the most fair way to do it. And then if we're not satisfied we spoiled him enough, we can take all the time we want after that.

Precisely. I want us all to return to our daily lives so relaxed it makes everyone we know jealous.

That does sound quite nice.

[Chuckling--]

You know you're still gonna owe Noct a wedding dress though, right? Even if you only wear it in private.

Hmmm... Maybe so.

[He is always willing to dress up. And he is absolutely going to spend Diluc's money on clothes.]

Ah, right. When we get back, I'll have to introduce you to Dandelion... I have no doubt the knights would be delighted to have you.

Mmmmmhmmm.

[She knows it. And she also remembers Pavo in a wedding dress, which is why she can say with certainty that it deserves a repeat.]

You think so...? Well it's true I'll have to find some way to contribute-- I'll do my best!

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cryovision - 2021-10-14 05:29 (UTC) - Expand