Letty... Please let me know if I owe you anything.
[But she gives his hand a gentle tug and leads him into the star-filled conservatory, locking the door behind them and immediately setting up to make tea.]
...so you've probably heard, then. Where I was earlier...
[She's tried to cover it up some, but the fact that she's up at this hour means she never slept, even though it's well into morning now. Her eyes are tired and red.]
I meant for the tea, silly.
[But it still feels good to hear him confirm he really wants to be here.]
I'm... glad you're here. I... well I thought about calling, but it was so late, I... I didn't want to wake you.
[He smiles to himself, a little sadly, and then wraps both arms around Serenity, pulling her into a hug - or on his lap, if she'd prefer. He's silent for now, figuring that she'd likely need to cry first.]
[Given the choice, she will settle on his lap, because that warmth and closeness is everything. Serenity tries to hold it together, but there are some very obvious sniffles as the tears just start to break free anyway. So she presses her face to his chest.]
[my depression aside I didn't realize it was my turn to tag o(---(
Levity strokes her hair gently, holding her close. He hasn't yet lost people like that; those that graduated were usually fairly happy partings. He can guess it wasn't like that for Serenity; not to mention he knows how much she fears being alone.]
I shouldn't, I... I'm the one who's making this difficult for him.
[She sniffles and scrubs uselessly at her eyes-- because as soon as she wipes them away, more just take their place.]
Even though I know now that he doesn't want me there, I... told him that when my time comes I'll chase him down no matter what. [Hearing it out loud now makes her cringe.] I don't... know what possessed me to say something so-- so... conceited? Selfish? Pushy? Unfair? I don't... know.
[It's not that she regrets saying it necessarily. That would be easier, perhaps. She meant every word of it. She'd do anything for that stupid idiot. But the problem was-- this wasn't for him. It was her own stupid wish talking. Whether she likes it or not, broken sobs come out anyway as she shakes, hiding her face in her hands.]
I couldn't... I didn't want to accept that he really never... wanted to see me ever again. I'm such-- I'm such an idiot...
It breaks Levity's heart to see her like this, to see her question herself and call herself selfish for loving someone and wanting to be with them. Perhaps there isn't much he can do, but he still does his best, pulling Serenity still closer, hunching over her slightly as though to protect her.]
... I don't think he doesn't want to see you. I think he simply thinks he doesn't deserve you.
[He breathes out quietly.]
After that game, when you got hurt and I came over to see you... He was very protective of you. He told me that if I ever dare hurt you again, I'll have to face him. And later, when I asked for advice for gifts for you... He spoke of you with such affection. Those are not the actions of someone who doesn't want to be with you. Merely someone who fears letting himself be happy, I think.
[She cannot get rid of the feeling of disgust she feels towards herself. It doesn't stop her from feeling a sense of happiness that he'd felt that way about her... at least maybe at one time.]
There are just some things I don't believe should be a matter of "deserving". Love and happiness are two of them. I wanted to believe it was something like that too. But... when he told me being alone was what he really wanted... I didn't have the confidence to argue with him.
[She bites her lip.]
How can I say I love him if I just ignore his wishes and force my own selfish ones on him? I'd be a hypocrite. Because I can't pretend I'd be doing anything for him. Everything... it would all be for myself. And I hate that... I should just-- accept it. That... I don't have anything I could possibly do or... offer him. I can't make him happy. Maybe... I've only been hurting him all this time, because I... didn't want to let go.
If wanting to be with those you love is a bad thing, then I'm the worst too.
[His voice is soft, comforting - not placing blame on her, but trying to explain that she is neither alone in such feelings nor wrong.]
I do not believe there is anyone who truly wishes only for solitude. And if that was all he wanted, if it was the one thing that made him happy... I do not think he would have let you be so close with him. Nor is he the kind of man to indulge you merely out of obligation.
[But she gets what he's saying, even if it's hard to match to what she's feeling right now. She'd never blame him or anyone for feeling this way... even if it's not that simple. So...]
I've always known that it was inevitable that... we'd all kind of go our own ways someday. But in knowing that I guess... in the back of my mind, I've always feared that no matter how things are now, when it's all over I'll be alone again. Because I worry that there isn't really a good place for me to return to...
If I ended up all alone... if I had to start all over again... I don't know what I'd do.
[... Ah, that's a feeling he knows. The fear of loneliness and having to start somewhere with nothing. Though it certainly can't compare to what Serenity has been through, Levity's own time in Imeeji has been enough for him to understand how she must feel.
He holds her a little tighter, protectively, stroking her hair again.]
[He seems relieved that she didn't reject the proposition, a smile in his voice now.]
Of course. I've thought about it before, and... in truth, I believe Amaurot would be a great place for you. You are hardworking and curious, and I think you could really bloom there.
[She hasn't felt a kind of happiness like this before. Knowing that someone thought of her being a part of their life after all this was over. Serenity has to wipe her eyes again, clean up her face before she looks up at him again. She's well and truly smitten by how sweet and wonderful he is.]
[He smiles happily, leaning back but still hugging Serenity close - so that she can halfway rest on his chest. Enjoy boyfriend titty.]
Of course. I think you would enjoy helping me with my work, though it can get quite dull at times. Or perhaps you could become a teacher, or a caretaker?
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Re: day 426, after she gets back from graduation
He offers a gentle smile in return, too, briefly holding up A Mysterious Bag and then reaching out to take her hand.]
Hi, Renny. I thought you might need some company. And I brought you a little something.
Re: day 426, after she gets back from graduation
Serenity blinks and takes up the bag.]
...awww you're so sweet.
[Leans up to give him a kiss on the cheek.]
You really do know just when I need you most. I could definitely use the company.
Re: day 426, after she gets back from graduation
Perhaps clairvoyance should be on the list of my abilities, hmm?
[The bag is a little heavy? Mysterious.]
Do you have anywhere more private?
Re: day 426, after she gets back from graduation
[Serenity considers the options for a moment before nodding.]
Mm. We can use the conservatory. I can lock the door for a little bit. I know the others will understand.
[Reaching for his hand, but also keeping a careful grip on this Mysterious Bag.]
Re: day 426, after she gets back from graduation
[He's mostly joking, though, to keep her spirits up, and nods at the suggestion.]
That sounds lovely. Ah, have you got anything there to make tea with?
Re: day 426, after she gets back from graduation
[She on the other hand is Very Serious about this.]
Oh-- I can bring a hot plate from the kitchen! I'll be back in a moment!
[And off she goes rushing to get the necessary items for tea making. And she's back in record time, so as not to keep him waiting.]
Re: day 426, after she gets back from graduation
I've brought several blends. I hope you'll enjoy them.
[A lot of them are of the Calming(TM) variety, because, yeah,]
Re: day 426, after she gets back from graduation
Letty... Please let me know if I owe you anything.
[But she gives his hand a gentle tug and leads him into the star-filled conservatory, locking the door behind them and immediately setting up to make tea.]
...so you've probably heard, then. Where I was earlier...
Re: day 426, after she gets back from graduation
You don't owe me anything, Renny. I'm here because I want to be.
[Once inside, he finds a place to sit down, watching her attentively, trying to gauge her state.]
... I did. So I thought it best to visit. It... cannot be an easy time for you.
Re: day 426, after she gets back from graduation
I meant for the tea, silly.
[But it still feels good to hear him confirm he really wants to be here.]
I'm... glad you're here. I... well I thought about calling, but it was so late, I... I didn't want to wake you.
Re: day 426, after she gets back from graduation
I wouldn't have minded being woken up if it's for you. Besides, you know I'm not much one for routine.
[The middle of the night is when CREATIVITY strikes, such as buying bees or a horse room,
Shitposts aside, though, he'll let her get on with tea preparation but reach out to put a hand on her shoulder.]
Would you like a hug?
Re: day 426, after she gets back from graduation
Oh... mmm, of course you would say that.
[She smiles, wiping her eyes and nodding.]
I... mmn.
[Making sure the tea is good on it's own first, she scoots over next to him and leans on him a bit.]
Re: day 426, after she gets back from graduation
Re: day 426, after she gets back from graduation
Re: day 426, after she gets back from graduation
Levity strokes her hair gently, holding her close. He hasn't yet lost people like that; those that graduated were usually fairly happy partings. He can guess it wasn't like that for Serenity; not to mention he knows how much she fears being alone.]
It's alright, Renny. It's alright to cry.
Re: day 426, after she gets back from graduation
[She sniffles and scrubs uselessly at her eyes-- because as soon as she wipes them away, more just take their place.]
Even though I know now that he doesn't want me there, I... told him that when my time comes I'll chase him down no matter what. [Hearing it out loud now makes her cringe.] I don't... know what possessed me to say something so-- so... conceited? Selfish? Pushy? Unfair? I don't... know.
[It's not that she regrets saying it necessarily. That would be easier, perhaps. She meant every word of it. She'd do anything for that stupid idiot. But the problem was-- this wasn't for him. It was her own stupid wish talking. Whether she likes it or not, broken sobs come out anyway as she shakes, hiding her face in her hands.]
I couldn't... I didn't want to accept that he really never... wanted to see me ever again. I'm such-- I'm such an idiot...
Re: day 426, after she gets back from graduation
It breaks Levity's heart to see her like this, to see her question herself and call herself selfish for loving someone and wanting to be with them. Perhaps there isn't much he can do, but he still does his best, pulling Serenity still closer, hunching over her slightly as though to protect her.]
... I don't think he doesn't want to see you. I think he simply thinks he doesn't deserve you.
[He breathes out quietly.]
After that game, when you got hurt and I came over to see you... He was very protective of you. He told me that if I ever dare hurt you again, I'll have to face him. And later, when I asked for advice for gifts for you... He spoke of you with such affection. Those are not the actions of someone who doesn't want to be with you. Merely someone who fears letting himself be happy, I think.
Re: day 426, after she gets back from graduation
There are just some things I don't believe should be a matter of "deserving". Love and happiness are two of them. I wanted to believe it was something like that too. But... when he told me being alone was what he really wanted... I didn't have the confidence to argue with him.
[She bites her lip.]
How can I say I love him if I just ignore his wishes and force my own selfish ones on him? I'd be a hypocrite. Because I can't pretend I'd be doing anything for him. Everything... it would all be for myself. And I hate that... I should just-- accept it. That... I don't have anything I could possibly do or... offer him. I can't make him happy. Maybe... I've only been hurting him all this time, because I... didn't want to let go.
[Muffled groaning between sniffles.]
Urghhh... I'm the wooooooooorst.
Re: day 426, after she gets back from graduation
[His voice is soft, comforting - not placing blame on her, but trying to explain that she is neither alone in such feelings nor wrong.]
I do not believe there is anyone who truly wishes only for solitude. And if that was all he wanted, if it was the one thing that made him happy... I do not think he would have let you be so close with him. Nor is he the kind of man to indulge you merely out of obligation.
Re: day 426, after she gets back from graduation
[But she gets what he's saying, even if it's hard to match to what she's feeling right now. She'd never blame him or anyone for feeling this way... even if it's not that simple. So...]
I've always known that it was inevitable that... we'd all kind of go our own ways someday. But in knowing that I guess... in the back of my mind, I've always feared that no matter how things are now, when it's all over I'll be alone again. Because I worry that there isn't really a good place for me to return to...
If I ended up all alone... if I had to start all over again... I don't know what I'd do.
Re: day 426, after she gets back from graduation
He holds her a little tighter, protectively, stroking her hair again.]
Then... why not come with me?
Re: day 426, after she gets back from graduation
[She blinks, feeling a whole rush of emotions. She never expected anyone to ask her that. For a moment, she's speechless.
But she clings to him tighter.]
...you really mean that?
Re: day 426, after she gets back from graduation
Of course. I've thought about it before, and... in truth, I believe Amaurot would be a great place for you. You are hardworking and curious, and I think you could really bloom there.
Re: day 426, after she gets back from graduation
[She hasn't felt a kind of happiness like this before. Knowing that someone thought of her being a part of their life after all this was over. Serenity has to wipe her eyes again, clean up her face before she looks up at him again. She's well and truly smitten by how sweet and wonderful he is.]
If you're there then-- I'm sure I'd love it.
Re: day 426, after she gets back from graduation
Of course. I think you would enjoy helping me with my work, though it can get quite dull at times. Or perhaps you could become a teacher, or a caretaker?
Re: day 426, after she gets back from graduation
Re: day 426, after she gets back from graduation
Re: day 426, after she gets back from graduation
Re: day 426, after she gets back from graduation
Re: day 426, after she gets back from graduation
Re: day 426, after she gets back from graduation
Re: day 426, after she gets back from graduation