I can't blame you really. I'm a little frustrated myself... not that I can think of anything I would have done anything different.
[She turns on a few small lights around the room-- enough to let them see so he can situate the snacks and get himself a drink. She closes the door behind them so the light from outside doesn't ruin the view of the stars.]
Haha, well ... I promised the new guy on avante that we'd do something together, when the dust settles. It was his first bad game, and it seems that it shook him.
... Yeah. L was honestly probably one of the brightest of us, if not the brightest. She's got a husband waiting for her back home, and some other stuff she has to sort out, but I think it'll work out okay.
... I've been here long enough that I've seen a lot of people come and go, and a lot of my friends are either gone or have moved on from here. Someone I know who's been here since the start is going to leave soon himself. And I've remembered some other things from home, so ... I guess I've been thinking about it myself.
Uhm, well. I want to try and figure out a way to travel between worlds that works for where I'm from. I could take Hell's deal, if they ever offer it to me, but I don't want to be beholden to them.
I suppose... it would depend on what exactly Hell would expect of you. If it’s something you could do without having to give up on your own goals... it might be the easiest way, at least.
If it’s something you can accomplish on your own, then even if it’s hard work, I’m sure it will be satisfying. But if you need the help, there’s no shame in using the resources available to you. Just make sure that they aren’t taking advantage of you in return.
Because that’s a really wonderful dream, and I’d love to see you be able to make it a reality some day.
That's the hard part with demons. But hehe, thanks.
... I'd like to be able to see you again, no matter what happens. As well as all my other friends. And ... there's someone in particular I want to see if I can have a future with, but I'm getting ahead of myself there.
Look, AlcheME won't live it down, and I get relentlessly bullied about it whenever it comes up.
...I-I mean, I'm probably also getting ahead of myself 'cause I, uhm. At first, I told him I didn't want us to be 'dating' but then things happened, and I had to admit that haha, shit, I have a lot more feelings than that for him, so I only just asked him if I could take that back and there's so many complications that it might not work out anyway even if he says 'yes' and now I'm worried that I'm gonna have to deal with stupid drama despite my best efforts to avoid it and --
[ He's rambling. Wow, look at this baby rambling. ]
They mean well-- after all, I'm sure they're all really happy for you. As am I. Something like that is really special. Whether it's for a few weeks or for the rest of your life... falling in love with someone is a really big thing. And well... with the not so great that happens, it feels nice to celebrate something good like that.
But... well, for starters-- what kind of drama are you worried about?
[ The longest pause, with him biting on his bottom lip for a moment and he contemplates how to explain this without rambling. ]
Sooo, uh. I got married to him in a game and afterwards we tried to ... sort our feelings out. Since it turns out even if the circumstances in which we discovered these things about ourselves were not great, the feelings were genuine? And -- at the time I was kind of worried and scared, so I asked him if we could just be 'friends with benefits' first.
At some point I found out he was also seeing another person, but they were supportive? Even told me that if I wanted us to be boyfriends, I should write and ask. And I'm grateful for that, but ... I-I never told them about the whole 'got married in a game and this is why the relationship is a thing', 'cause I was still pretty embarrassed about it. And I don't know how serious we're taking it, I called him 'husband' as an ... inside joke, and he started signing his letters off with that too and I dunno if that means maybe we are a little serious about it? They say he's really special and important to them, and they also recently told me they want to settle down with someone one day.
Maybe I'm just -- overthinking this, and I may just be thinking too far ahead 'cause I haven't gotten a reply yet, but -- say, if me and him do become serious, and I want to figure out a future with him, will they feel hurt if they find out about it? Or take it the wrong way and feel like they're less important? And -- I'm worried they'll end up pushing into our 'space' whether they mean to or not, either because they're worried about feeling left behind or to try and reassure themselves of the importance of their relationship with him.
... I really, really don't think I can handle the last one, especially.
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[She turns on a few small lights around the room-- enough to let them see so he can situate the snacks and get himself a drink. She closes the door behind them so the light from outside doesn't ruin the view of the stars.]
I think that makes it even more frustrating.
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Well, we'll deal with it. I guess. I'm honestly a little more worried about some other people.
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[ Shoots up on the other side of the snacks.]
...but I suppose it reminds me why little things like this-- hanging out with friends or an extra room in the dorm-- mean so much.
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Haha, well ... I promised the new guy on avante that we'd do something together, when the dust settles. It was his first bad game, and it seems that it shook him.
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[Speaking of which--]
...oh. That's right. One of your members graduated recently. I didn't know her personally, but she seemed like such a bright, kind person.
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[ He bites into a biscuit. ]
... Hey, Serenity, have you ever thought about the future?
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I... yeah. More than a little.
[But if he's bringing it up...]
...why? Is there something on your mind?
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[She slowly nibbles at a piece of pocky, the stick getting shorter one little bite at a time.]
...Do you know what you want to do, when you get the chance to leave?
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Uhm, well. I want to try and figure out a way to travel between worlds that works for where I'm from. I could take Hell's deal, if they ever offer it to me, but I don't want to be beholden to them.
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But I think that’s a wonderful goal.
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... I just want to be able to meet all my friends that I met here, and let the others meet theirs too, if they wish for that.
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Because that’s a really wonderful dream, and I’d love to see you be able to make it a reality some day.
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... I'd like to be able to see you again, no matter what happens. As well as all my other friends. And ... there's someone in particular I want to see if I can have a future with, but I'm getting ahead of myself there.
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[But HOLD UP!!]
Ohhhh~? Is this about that letter you got a while back?
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If I say 'yes' will I still be allowed to live?
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...I have my fair share of embarrassing circumstances too, so I get it.
But that really is wonderful.
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...I-I mean, I'm probably also getting ahead of myself 'cause I, uhm. At first, I told him I didn't want us to be 'dating' but then things happened, and I had to admit that haha, shit, I have a lot more feelings than that for him, so I only just asked him if I could take that back and there's so many complications that it might not work out anyway even if he says 'yes' and now I'm worried that I'm gonna have to deal with stupid drama despite my best efforts to avoid it and --
[ He's rambling. Wow, look at this baby rambling. ]
Re: Day 333, evening
They mean well-- after all, I'm sure they're all really happy for you. As am I. Something like that is really special. Whether it's for a few weeks or for the rest of your life... falling in love with someone is a really big thing. And well... with the not so great that happens, it feels nice to celebrate something good like that.
But... well, for starters-- what kind of drama are you worried about?
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Sooo, uh. I got married to him in a game and afterwards we tried to ... sort our feelings out. Since it turns out even if the circumstances in which we discovered these things about ourselves were not great, the feelings were genuine? And -- at the time I was kind of worried and scared, so I asked him if we could just be 'friends with benefits' first.
At some point I found out he was also seeing another person, but they were supportive? Even told me that if I wanted us to be boyfriends, I should write and ask. And I'm grateful for that, but ... I-I never told them about the whole 'got married in a game and this is why the relationship is a thing', 'cause I was still pretty embarrassed about it. And I don't know how serious we're taking it, I called him 'husband' as an ... inside joke, and he started signing his letters off with that too and I dunno if that means maybe we are a little serious about it? They say he's really special and important to them, and they also recently told me they want to settle down with someone one day.
Maybe I'm just -- overthinking this, and I may just be thinking too far ahead 'cause I haven't gotten a reply yet, but -- say, if me and him do become serious, and I want to figure out a future with him, will they feel hurt if they find out about it? Or take it the wrong way and feel like they're less important? And -- I'm worried they'll end up pushing into our 'space' whether they mean to or not, either because they're worried about feeling left behind or to try and reassure themselves of the importance of their relationship with him.
... I really, really don't think I can handle the last one, especially.
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