[She hums thoughtfully around the spoon of ice cream in her mouth. The last time she saw Hiryuu was... that time, so--]
Well, after my heart was healed I tried to rest for a bit-- but it wasn't long after that we lost Hardy and gained a new member. This is actually the first time we've had a totally new member since Hope and I arrived.
It's a shame I didn't get to know him better. He was here before, so the others knew him better.
But it seems like Justice is doing really well so far. Actually... I'm the one who suggested that name. So I kind of feel a little like a proud parent.
[ Ahhhh. That g word. It's everywhere right now.... ]
I'd be lying if I said I was entirely all right. King and I... were really close. My mother died when I was very young--so I never had any siblings growing up. But... if I had had a brother or a sister... I don't imagine they would have understood me or loved me any more than he did.
...I can't imagine what that must feel like. I'm so sorry.
[Family isn't an easy topic for her and not something she has a lot of experience with-- so she really can't begin to know what that pain feels like. She reaches her hand across the table and gives Hiryuu's a gentle squeeze.]
But I'm glad that he was able to leave the program on his own terms.
[ She moves her fingers to intertwine them with Serenity's and give a gentle squeeze back. ]
I am too. And I know that being with Intensity will make him happy. So--for that much... I'm really grateful.
Have you known anyone that's graduated before?
[ there's an elephant in the room that needs to be addressed--serenity can't see it yet, but that doesn't mean it's not there. she just... needs to work herself toward it. ]
[Serenity curls her fingers around Hiryuu's hand and shakes her head.]
No, honestly I haven't. I feel a little bad that I never got to reach out to those people during the time I was here. But I guess there really is only so much one person can do.
I haven't been able to keep up with all of the new people lately. It's probably the same; there's just only so much time and energy in a day.
[ okay. okay. she needs to... do this. probably. right? but it sucks. she doesn't want to say it. so that's why instead she blurts out suddenly, while holding hands-- ]
... I like you.
[ which is. probably the last thing she should be saying in this situation. but instead she just keeps on going. ]
That is--I think--you're cute, and I like kissing you and... and I just like you. I've liked you for a while and I've been meaning to tell you... but either bad things were always happening, or there wasn't time, or... we were under spells, and... I was scared to, because for a long time, the people I liked kept disappearing and I felt tired, but I... I don't want to just let things slip through my fingers anymore because I'm tired.
[Serenity has had to blurt out her own confessions a number of times. But... this is the first time someone has confessed to her like this. Her heart feels all warm and floaty and tingly.]
...I've liked you for a while too.
[That part has never really felt difficult to admit.]
Part of me knew I should just come out and say it, but... it never felt like the right time. Too early, too embarrassing, too many other things to worry about... other people to worry about... I guess I got in my head a bit and that meant getting in my own way a lot. But honestly I'm... really happy you said it.
Me, too. But... I wish I'd said it sooner. I wasted so much time...
[ And now there's really not that much left. And to be honest, it was selfish of her to have said anything in the first place. Because now she has to follow it up with... ]
Serenity... I... I have something else that I need to tell you, and it's going to be upsetting. And I'm really sorry... if what I said before... if it becomes a burden, in light of what I have to say next. If it is--if you want, I'll ask Silk if she can help alter your memory--so it can be like I never said anything at all.
[Serenity is a fairly sharp person-- and Hiryuu is a rather sincere one. It doesn't take long for her to realize that what's coming isn't easy and it certainly won't be the happy ending one might hope for after such a sweet confession.
Her eyes widen as it sinks in. Something difficult enough that it would make Hiryuu feel like her feelings might be a burden on her... enough that she'd think she might not want to remember it when just a moment ago she'd been so happy to hear it.
........ah. She wants to be wrong, but-- she's fairly certain she's not.]
[Even though she had that feeling in her heart that told her-- it's still heartbreaking to hear it. She knew realistically that she'd have to face this one day but... to have that first time be someone she cared for so much was really...
It really fucking sucks, to be honest.
But that's no fault of Hiryuu's.]
And... you're happy with that offer? It's what you want?
[ She can't say what she really wants to say about what she REALLY wants on camera because
well it's poor form to tell your new boss you want to put an arrow through his heart after you've burned to the ground everything he and his comrades and rivals have helped create, isn't it?
instead, she says, ]
Given the current circumstances, it's the only offer I'd feel comfortable taking. My home is where my heart is--and there are too many people I love stuck here in Hell for me to be able to simply return to Kouka.
As for happiness... I'm not sure. The wish that I've made--it's not something I think I could have ever fulfilled with my own power as it is now. So... for that, I'm happy. But I think... that some day this path will lead to my happiness--as long as I don't lose the courage to see it through to the end.
[Serenity listens to the end and nods. She knows what she asked was not as simple as it may sound. But the answer Hiryuu gives tells her everything she needs to know.
She squeezes her hand again, tighter and forces a strained smile on her face. Her eyes are a bit misty, but she does her best to fight it.]
...I know you can.
And I'm sure you will have no shortage of friends to help you when you need it.
[ She leans across the table so she can gently press her forehead to Serenity's If either of them actually starts crying in genuine, that will probably set the other one over too, so she's also doing her best--even though her chest feels tight and heavy and her eyes burn. ]
I know. Knowing that you all are still here--I know that will help keep me strong, too. I'm just sorry that I won't be able to be here to support you directly anymore. ... And that my timing was so lousy. I'm not very good at this sort of thing, but even for me... this isn't exactly good "first date" material.
It's... difficult... thinking about being separated from the people you've come to care so much about and who've supported you in really difficult times.
[Life is full of partings-- knowing that doesn't make it any easier. Although the time may have been short, the impact that Hiryuu made on her was a big one. And that absence is one that she'll feel for a very long time. But... it doesn't have to be forever.]
...still, I know that at least for me, just knowing that you're all still out there doing your best for the sake of everyone... that thought gives me a lot of strength too. To... figure out what it is that I can do for the people here now and in the future too.
It's not quite what I expected, but-- it's not over yet either. I think there's still time to save it still.
I think you're already doing your part to be a help and a comfort to the people around you--at least, I know... I felt better being around you. But... I also believe that you're a very capable person with a warm heart, and that if you set your mind to something--even something so nebulous--you'll find a path for yourself. If you ever want encouragement or advice, I'll offer you whatever I can wherever I am.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[ She's going to take a picture of it with her phone first, though. It's art.
And then she will take a spoon and gingerly edge some ice cream out from the side. ]
What have you been up to lately? I haven't seen you in a bit.
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[She hums thoughtfully around the spoon of ice cream in her mouth. The last time she saw Hiryuu was... that time, so--]
Well, after my heart was healed I tried to rest for a bit-- but it wasn't long after that we lost Hardy and gained a new member. This is actually the first time we've had a totally new member since Hope and I arrived.
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I'm sorry Hardy disappeared. I guess this means you're now handling introducing your new person, then? How is it going?
1/2
But it seems like Justice is doing really well so far. Actually... I'm the one who suggested that name. So I kind of feel a little like a proud parent.
2/2
Ah-- but what about you?
One of your members recently graduated, right? How have you been?
/2
I'd be lying if I said I was entirely all right. King and I... were really close. My mother died when I was very young--so I never had any siblings growing up. But... if I had had a brother or a sister... I don't imagine they would have understood me or loved me any more than he did.
Re: 2/2
Everyone has.
Re: 2/2
[Family isn't an easy topic for her and not something she has a lot of experience with-- so she really can't begin to know what that pain feels like. She reaches her hand across the table and gives Hiryuu's a gentle squeeze.]
But I'm glad that he was able to leave the program on his own terms.
Re: 2/2
I am too. And I know that being with Intensity will make him happy. So--for that much... I'm really grateful.
Have you known anyone that's graduated before?
[ there's an elephant in the room that needs to be addressed--serenity can't see it yet, but that doesn't mean it's not there. she just... needs to work herself toward it. ]
Re: 2/2
[Serenity curls her fingers around Hiryuu's hand and shakes her head.]
No, honestly I haven't. I feel a little bad that I never got to reach out to those people during the time I was here. But I guess there really is only so much one person can do.
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[ okay. okay. she needs to... do this. probably. right? but it sucks. she doesn't want to say it. so that's why instead she blurts out suddenly, while holding hands-- ]
... I like you.
[ which is. probably the last thing she should be saying in this situation. but instead she just keeps on going. ]
That is--I think--you're cute, and I like kissing you and... and I just like you. I've liked you for a while and I've been meaning to tell you... but either bad things were always happening, or there wasn't time, or... we were under spells, and... I was scared to, because for a long time, the people I liked kept disappearing and I felt tired, but I... I don't want to just let things slip through my fingers anymore because I'm tired.
[ thanks, stupid useless bisexualitis. ]
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...I've liked you for a while too.
[That part has never really felt difficult to admit.]
Part of me knew I should just come out and say it, but... it never felt like the right time. Too early, too embarrassing, too many other things to worry about... other people to worry about... I guess I got in my head a bit and that meant getting in my own way a lot. But honestly I'm... really happy you said it.
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[ And now there's really not that much left. And to be honest, it was selfish of her to have said anything in the first place. Because now she has to follow it up with... ]
Serenity... I... I have something else that I need to tell you, and it's going to be upsetting. And I'm really sorry... if what I said before... if it becomes a burden, in light of what I have to say next. If it is--if you want, I'll ask Silk if she can help alter your memory--so it can be like I never said anything at all.
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Her eyes widen as it sinks in. Something difficult enough that it would make Hiryuu feel like her feelings might be a burden on her... enough that she'd think she might not want to remember it when just a moment ago she'd been so happy to hear it.
........ah. She wants to be wrong, but-- she's fairly certain she's not.]
...you're leaving. Aren't you?
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Yes. Azzy came--not two days after King's graduation--and made the offer.
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It really fucking sucks, to be honest.
But that's no fault of Hiryuu's.]
And... you're happy with that offer? It's what you want?
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well it's poor form to tell your new boss you want to put an arrow through his heart after you've burned to the ground everything he and his comrades and rivals have helped create, isn't it?
instead, she says, ]
Given the current circumstances, it's the only offer I'd feel comfortable taking. My home is where my heart is--and there are too many people I love stuck here in Hell for me to be able to simply return to Kouka.
As for happiness... I'm not sure. The wish that I've made--it's not something I think I could have ever fulfilled with my own power as it is now. So... for that, I'm happy. But I think... that some day this path will lead to my happiness--as long as I don't lose the courage to see it through to the end.
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She squeezes her hand again, tighter and forces a strained smile on her face. Her eyes are a bit misty, but she does her best to fight it.]
...I know you can.
And I'm sure you will have no shortage of friends to help you when you need it.
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I know. Knowing that you all are still here--I know that will help keep me strong, too. I'm just sorry that I won't be able to be here to support you directly anymore. ... And that my timing was so lousy. I'm not very good at this sort of thing, but even for me... this isn't exactly good "first date" material.
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[Life is full of partings-- knowing that doesn't make it any easier. Although the time may have been short, the impact that Hiryuu made on her was a big one. And that absence is one that she'll feel for a very long time. But... it doesn't have to be forever.]
...still, I know that at least for me, just knowing that you're all still out there doing your best for the sake of everyone... that thought gives me a lot of strength too. To... figure out what it is that I can do for the people here now and in the future too.
It's not quite what I expected, but-- it's not over yet either. I think there's still time to save it still.
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